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Honestly, I’ve always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed – that kind of stuff. – Adam Carolla
[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month. – Adam Carolla
People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity. – Adam Carolla
When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell. – Adam Carolla